Can't Sleep

Tonight I can't sleep and it's probably what I should be doing. Today was part two of me being in the red. My husband is so sweet in a sour way, for some reason when he's confused or unsure of what to say, he does some weird things. And he lets some weird thoughts get in his head, today he gave me a little talk about sacrificing for me and me thinking he doesn't care for me or Love me. I know for a Fact that he loves me and I love him, that's the further-est thought from my mind. If something happened today or tomorrow to my husband one of the things I would know and remember always would be his unconditional love for me and all that is apart of me. He loves my dreams my son my family my downfalls my short comings he loves in the words of Lady Gaga "My Ugly". And I wouldn't trade him in for a million dollars.

I just have so much on my mind tonight good bad happy sad how do I sort this chaos out? First let me sort the cob web out on this Blog.

What's making me Sad
-The fact that I'm bleeding and is quote unquote pregnant. (Since I'm bleeding I'm not sure if I'm pregnant still but I took 2 home pregnancy tests and they both said I was pregnant)
-Looking at all these TV shows and commercials I just see so many adorable babies taking baths and spilling juice on the kitchen floors. I just know James would be a Great Father.
-The thought of me not having a job (Just the Fact that I have no job and don't know when I'm going to get another job)

What's making me Happy
-Knowing that GOD is looking down on me and my family
-Thoughts of knowing "God Makes no Mistakes and what's meant for me will work itself out"
-My meeting with Ms. Sandi about the Event Planning Company
-My Husband who's SUPER GREAT
-The fact that if I'm not pregnant now I can keep trying to become pregnant and maybe I can choose the Baby's birthday month.

All this baby talk you would think I didn't have a child at all but I do I have an amazing little boy who's 4! He's amazingly intelligent and mature for his age he just LOVES his Mama and I Love him too that's why I want to give him a little sibling so he can have someone to look out for!

Well writing this has made me feel so much better I'm going to try and go to sleep! Goodnight World Wide Web!